Happy Belated Mother's Day

I'm a day late in this post because I enjoyed a busy wonderful weekend away.  I taught until 7 p.m. on Friday night.  The van was already packed and ready to go before I started teaching so that my children and I could all hop in and go.  We were on the road at 7:15.

Not even 30 minutes into the 4 hour drive, we hit major rain.  The wipers were on full blast and not clearing the water.  It lasted like that for an hour!  Whew...it stopped raining but you could see more dark clouds up ahead.  In our 4 hour drive to my brother's home in Kitchener, I drove through copious amounts of rain, some hail, high winds which wanted to throw the van into the lane I was not driving in and fog.  The highway speed is listed at 100 km/hour but the cruising speed of the vehicles on this road is normally 120 km/hour.  On Friday night, the speeds went anywhere from 60 km/hour to 80 km/hour and then in the few dry spells back up to 120 km/hour.  By the time I reached my brother's home at 11:00 p.m., my shoulders and neck muscles were filled with knots and I had a major headache.  My son is able to drive and was willing to take over the driving, but the rain poured down so hard that the wipers couldn't keep up with it, you couldn't see the lanes and you couldn't see the road signs.  There were very few spots where we could have pulled over safely to switch drivers.

I met up with my husband at my brother's house as he had been in the area for business meetings.  I had a brief visit with my sister-in-law before I headed fell into bed.  Saturday was filled with shopping.  Our evening entailed a steak dinner which my brother cooked.  This is the man that swore he would never cook and whose claim to fame was 101 things to do with Kraft Dinner.  He prepared a steak dinner for all of us including my mother.  After dinner, we enjoyed an evening of playing cards.

Yesterday was Mother's Day.  This was the reason for our trip to Kitchener.  My siblings and our families have not been together with just my mom since before my dad died in 1991.  My mom had called us all about 2 weeks ago and told us her plan.  We would all meet at The Falls Inn and Spa in Walter's Falls, Ontario for a Mother's Day Brunch.  So we loaded our van up with 7 people for a 2 hour drive up to the Inn.  En route, we detoured so that we could go by the church that my mom grew up in and got married in near Bognor, Ontario.  I remember attending this church on Sunday mornings as a little girl while visiting my grandparents' farm.  The church closed many, many years ago and is now a bed and breakfast.  Directly across the road was an old abandoned school house.  It is grey and lonely looking.  It still has the bell tower over top the entrance but there is no bell.  This was her elementary school she attended as a little girl.  As we stopped and my husband took pictures, my mom shared a few memories with us.  She told us that there were two older boys who took hold of my uncle and holding onto his feet, dangled him headfirst into the well.  My mom says she remembers my uncle laughing but that she was terrified for him.  As she was describing this event, she pointed at the yard and gave us the approximate location of where the well was.  What was interesting is that the old hand pump was still there although it was overgrown with grass and weeds!

I have forgotten to mention that as we were driving up to Walter's Falls from Kitchener, the wind picked up and snow and sleet started to hit the van.  As my husband was taking pictures of old St. Paul's United Church and the old St. Paul's school, the gale force wind was blowing snow and it was very cold.  After visiting the old school, my mom directed my husband to the old homestead of my great grandparents.  As we drove up the laneway so my husband could again take some pictures, I recognized the house!  I had memories of visiting my great-uncle in the 1970's who had taken over the homestead many years before.  As I sat in our van, I could literally smell the mouth-watering aroma of my great-aunt's kitchen.  The memory that I was reliving was of my grandpa, my dad and I stopping by Uncle Willie's house for something.  As we walked in to the house, you could smell my Aunt Mary's baking.  She was making pies and some were out cooling while others were still baking.  There's nothing like an old farm kitchen with the Franklin wood stove providing the heat along with the smell of homemade pies!!  So now I'm back in 2013 in our van and I'm watching my husband take pictures of the outside of the old farm house.  It's been kept in great shape.  The biting wind is whipping his hair and dress pants as the snow is blowing.  You see, Bognor, Walter's Falls and the area is all set on top of the Niagara Escarpment.  There are high "hills" and deep valleys.  We continued on our way to Walter's Falls.

We arrived at The Falls Inn and Spa just in time for our Mother's Day Brunch reservation time.  When I packed on Friday, we had been enjoying warm Spring temperatures.  I packed a very nice flowing skirt along with a dressy white t-shirt which was covered with a three-quarter length sleeved light jacket.  For my feet, I packed my sandals.  So there I am, climbing out of our van with my very Spring-like ensemble.  My bare feet were blue from cold even though I had wrapped a blanket around my feet for the ride up.  As the side door of the van opened up, the wind whipped my skirt right up into my face just like the old Marilyn Monroe photo except I'm sitting and trying to climb gracefully out of the van.....NOT!  It was rather funny and I'm sure it looked just as funny because there was my brother roaring with laughter...once I got my skirt down from my face.  We went indoors and awaited our turn to be seated.  As we were waiting, my other brother, sister-in-law and my two nephews arrived.  My sister and brother-in-law arrived with my two nieces and my nephew.  They are triplets and are growing up so quickly.  They'll be starting high school in September.  Everyone arrived at just the right moment because the hostess was leading us to our table.  I asked my mom, "How many are we now?"  She promptly and proudly said "16"!!  It was so nice to see my mom so happy.  She was glowing and so proud of having her children and grandchildren all together.

As can only happen in a large family, the noise level increased as we all laughed, teased and talked.  Sometimes amongst the ones right beside us, but other times, raising our voices to "talk" to the other family members at the other end of the very long table.  As we enjoyed the warmth of a delicious Sunday brunch, our table overlooked Walter's Falls.  The Falls Inn is actually built on the location of the original sawmill site.  The view was spectacular!  You could see the rocky hills of the Niagara Escarpment and right outside the window and below was the actual Falls.  As we ate and visited, the wind outside picked up and started sliding the patio chairs around on the patio.  The snow started falling more heavily with big fluffy flakes.  The snow started to accumulate on the ground.  We all enjoyed our meals and the family fellowship.  Before long, it was time to get up and leave.

Oh wait!!!  My mom had my brother-in-law bring along his camera and tripod.  We all congregated in the foyer where there were was a wrought-iron circular staircase.  We set my mom up in a beautiful chair and arranged all 15 of us around her.  Some stood beside her chair, some stood behind her chair and some of us stood on the stairs.  My brother-in-law set up the shot, put on the timer and ran to get in the picture.  He told us to look at the flashing light.  Wait....what flashing light?  So back he goes to the camera to try again.  Take 2 became Take 3 and then 4 and finally Take 5.  The end result was a wonderful family photo!!  My sister is going to get copies made for all of us including our children.  My son has already said that he's going to get his framed and take it with him to university in September.

The bonus part of the day yesterday was that my one nephew's birthday was on Saturday, May 11.  So we went back to my brother's place and shared in the celebration with a birthday cake.  It was a great day and wonderful to see us all together.  My mom was so happy and I enjoyed myself immensely.  Before too long, it was time to pile back into the van for a 2 hour drive back to my other brother's home.  We dropped my mom off.  Originally we were going to just kick drop my brother and sister-in-law off and start our 4 hour trek home.  However, my feet were purple with cold, my legs were cold and I decided to change into jeans, socks and running shoes for the trip home.

I have to say the snow stopped and we had a very good drive home.  We arrived home around midnight and I'm very tired today.  But....my Mother's Day was so worth the extra effort and time required.  I can always catch up on sleep.  Today, I'll unpack, teach and do laundry tonight.  I'm hoping I'll have an early bedtime.  It was a great weekend and I can't stop smiling from the memories and stories that were told.  It is so heart-warming to have nieces and nephews who have the same quirky senses of humour.  My one nephew is quiet.  You see a sparkle in his eye and a very slow smile develop as he shares in the family dynamics.  My other nephew is a little louder and enjoys a good laugh.  It was a great day!  So Happy Belated Mother's Day and I hope you enjoyed your day as much as I enjoyed mine.  May it have added some warm memories to your heart.

Beautiful Springtime

The last number of days are the reason that Spring is my favourite season of the year.  In the last week, the trees have bloomed into leafy plants.  I can see the blossoms swelling on my pear trees.  My rhubarb is up and ready to be picked.  I've been enjoying asparagus from my garden as well.  The world is bursting with the various shades of fresh green growth.  Living in the city, the winter snow is often brown with sand and salt.  The grass is brown and the trees are brown as they are all dormant through our winter months.  Once Spring arrives, I love to watch nature awaken as if from a deep sleep.  The squirrels have returned to my yard.  The birdsongs are waking me up at 4:30 or 5:00 a.m.  This year we have a rabbit which tentatively hops into our yard in the early mornings in search of food or just in an effort to explore.  I'm not sure how I feel about the rabbit.  He/she is very cute with the little white cotton tail.  I love to watch it as it hops along and then stands on its hind legs to look around.  It reminds me of a periscope breaking through the water's surface to take a peek around.  After looking around, the rabbit drops down onto its four legs again and sits and sniffs.  I can see the nose wiggling as it tests the air for scents that may indicate food or danger.  Despite enjoying watching the rabbit, I am afraid it may raid my vegetable garden once I get it planted.

I'm getting in the habit of waking in the morning, getting the coffee going, grabbing a cup and the newspaper and enjoying 45 minutes on my patio in the sun.  What a glorious way to start my day.  This time of year tends to get very busy for me and this quiet time helps keep me centred and calm. 

I'm at the time of year where students are getting ready to perform at the year-end recital.  I also am preparing students for their practical exams in June.  Just organizing the recital requires a lot of work.  Of course, this is all my choice.  I put together a program/booklet for the audience.  It includes the order of performances but also biographical notes on each composer that is performed in the recital.  I also provide refreshments for after the recital so that it becomes a send-off party for the students as they end lessons and go on to their summer activities.  So I have a time of baking as I prepare baked goods for approximately 80 people.

I will also be baking to supply baked goods for the bake sale/garage sale that I'm organizing for my Relay For Life team "Cathy Conquers Cancer".  This will take place on the Victoria Day weekend.  So this year, I'm also pulling together items to put in the garage sale as well.

Amongst all this, I will be planting my vegetable garden, picking my rhubarb and freezing some of it as well as using it in my baking.  My husband suggests that I also sell some of it like I did last year to raise money for "Cathy Conquers Cancer".  We also have Mother's Day, my best friend's birthday and my birthday to celebrate in the midst of all this in the next couple of weeks.

I'm not complaining because I'm happy that I'm feeling well enough to tackle all these activities.  However, my days are very full and I am falling into bed much earlier because the body is tired.  So if there is a period of time where I haven't posted, it is because I've been too busy enjoying life to spend time on the computer.  Happy Spring to everyone!!

Waiting is over!!

We are enjoying a string of beautiful spring days.  As a result, I've been puttering in my garden and working on the weeds.  I've been picking some of my asparagus and enjoying little tastes with my meals.  I've been visiting with friends.  Today I even managed to do some heavy digging in my vegetable garden in order to get it prepared for planting in a few weeks.

In the midst of my busy-ness, I received a telephone call with my results from the CT scan.  Everything is still clear and stable!  I didn't realize how much tension I was carrying in my chest.  When I received this wonderful news, all the tension melted away.  Last night we celebrated my continued remission with my friends that just moved in around the corner.

This morning, my husband mentioned that I didn't look so worried.  There appeared to be an inner peace that wasn't there before.  He's probably right.  You see, now I know that the breathlessness is because I'm out of shape.  Now I know that my voice is not working because of the residual effects of the virus I had in March.  Now I know that the night sweats I'm having are really due to menopause.  Now I know that the fatigue I've been feeling really is because I'm being active, busy and perhaps a little older.

What a relief the results are!  So now I'm back to enjoying my yard, going for walks and planning my summer.  I will continue to fundraise and plan for the Relay For Life.  I will continue to take each and every opportunity to enjoy life!  Bring it on!!

Waiting some more....

One thing I've learned in the last year is how to wait.  Wait for appointments that are weeks in the future.  Wait for results from those various appointments.  Wait for my energy to return.  Wait Work for changes to take place in my life.

To help me cope with all this waiting, I knit.  I read.  I keep busy.  Last week I had a CT scan done and I feel a little fearful as I wait for the results.  The symptoms are still there that prompted the CT scan to be done.  I'm continuing to try to reassure myself that these are residual symptoms from the virus I had in March.  I'm coping with my fears by knitting.  Over the weekend, I kept busy helping friends move from one house to another.  It was a full weekend as I also attended a wedding.  I'm also keeping busy trying to find ways to motivate my team members to raise funds for the Relay For Life.  I'm also working on raising funds myself.  The funds came in much easier last year than they are this year.  I'm assuming this is because I am one year removed from treatment.  I also look healthy this year.

This week has been busy teaching and planning for my students' year-end recital. I've inputted the information for the order of the program.  I always include short biographies of the composers as program notes in an effort to provide the audience with an opportunity to learn about the various composers whose music is being played at the recital.  These administrative activities have helped keep me distracted as I wait for results from the test.  I need to also start baking as I have always provided juice/water and baked goods at the end of the recital as a little party for the parents and students to mingle before they go off for their summer break.

I'm glad the weather has warmed up because now I can work in my yard which helps keep me distracted but allows me to enjoy the miraculous beauty of nature.  The birds have returned and are singing up a chorus of beautiful music.  We have a rabbit that is visiting the yard this Spring.  I'm not sure how I feel about this because I have found him/her munching on some of the green sprouts and shoots that are working their way up out of the ground.  The physical labour of spreading my compost and pulling weeds is good for my soul.  The next step will be to till the soil and get my vegetable garden ready for planting.

So I keep busy with my teaching and the above activities in an effort to endure the passage of time until I have the results from the CT Scan.

Again, if you wish to support me in the Relay For Life, I'm including the link at the end of this post.  I "relay" in the effort and hope that we can eradicate (or at least increase the odds of cure/survival) so that other families are not decimated and impacted by this horrible, horrible disease.  I've survived but I have lost 3 friends to it this past year.  Please help with a small donation.  Every little bit helps.

http://convio.cancer.ca/site/TR?pg=team&fr_id=12431&team_id=283290 

Thank you.

Health, Friends and Family...Life is Good

Whew!!! What a busy day it was today.  Don't get me wrong, this is not a complaint.  I didn't sleep well last night as I was worrying about the CT scan that I had this afternoon.  I was not able to eat or drink until after the CT scan which was scheduled for 1:30 p.m.  I'm pleased that I was able to run a couple of errands before spending a couple of hours at the hospital.

My CT scan was of my throat/chest and abdomen.  Now I'm waiting for the results.  In the meantime, life is great.  While at the hospital, I took the time to visit with a friend who is acutely struggling with her health.  I've been keeping her and her family in my prayers.  At times life seems so unfair.  Prayer helps soothe me but after today, I was questioning if prayer really helps with cures.  I truly believe it does but sometimes life just does not make sense.  I didn't want to overstay my welcome, so it was a brief visit.  I'm going to continue to pray for a major miracle.  I was unsettled and enjoyed the walk to my car which was a number of blocks away.  The sun was shining brightly but the wind was cool.  The brisk walk in the sunshine was soothing.

I finished my afternoon off by dropping by another friends' place to help pack as they prepare to move.  I'm not sure I was much of a help.  At times I felt like I was a hinderance as I was trying to pack but also didn't want to mess up their system.

Then I enjoyed a quick meal of chicken wings, fries and beer with my husband.  It was nice to reconnect after a number of busy days for both of us.  My mind has been more scattered and less sharp again.  Just as we sat down at our table, my husband says to me "Do you have the tickets?"  We were grabbing a bite to eat before we went off to our daughter's high school for a cabaret/cafe type of evening.  So... did I have the tickets? No.  I had seen them on the counter and intended to put them in my purse but....I forgot.  So my husband and I ordered our beer and then he left to return home to pick up the tickets.  I ordered our food and then waited and hoped that my husband would be able to get back in time to enjoy his Guiness and hot wings.  Talk about good timing!!!  Just as he returned and sat down, our wings were delivered to the table.

We enjoyed our meal together and then continued on our way to the high school.  What a great program of various talents was in store for us!  We thoroughly enjoyed the evening and were very happy to support our daughter as she worked behind the scenes.  She'll be having a late night as all the performers and stage hands help to tear down the cafe and then have a small party at a local restaurant.  This all brought back memories of my own high school days when I would be involved with the annual Cabaret, or the musicals.  I'm happy to see my daughter getting involved.

It's been a busy and long day.  I'm tired emotionally as I've struggled with my own anxieties but also tried to be supportive for my friends.  I'm tired physically because I pushed myself to walk very briskly on my way to the hospital and again on my return to the van.  I've also started a 30 Day Challenge of squats.  Today I completed 75 squats.  So I am tired.  I'm also starting to take stock of the gardens and work on cleaning them up as I didn't get much weeding and improvements made last year.

Tomorrow I'm hoping I will spend most of the day with my friends as they move.  I will excuse myself for about an hour while I return home to teach a couple of lessons.  Life is good as I share my time with family and friends.  That's truly what is important in life is our family and friends.

Circuitous Emotions

It's been a bit since I've posted an entry because I've been enjoying life.  My time has been filled teaching, learning, working in my yard and spending time with my daughter.  My husband and son were away for a week enjoying time together.  This was a fantastic opportunity for my daughter and I to reconnect and re-establish our mother-daughter bond.  We enjoyed dining out together.  We tried to enjoy some shopping but unfortunately my energy has not rebounded since I was sick with the cold/flu a month ago.  So the shopping excursion was cut short.  I was disappointed and impatient with my body.  But despite this little disappointment, we had a great week.  We laughed together, we dined together we watched movies together and enjoyed each other in the midst of a busy schedule (work for me and volunteer/school responsibilities for her).

My singing voice has still not rebounded after the cold/flu.  This concerns me because I was just back to singing in the choir and able to produce a nice tone with air support.  This morning as I was waking from a good night's sleep, I pondered my throat and voice.  My throat was scratchy sore across the whole base of the throat.  My neck muscles continue to ache just like they did in November 2011 which was one of the motivating reasons to make an appointment with my family doctor.  That appointment was the beginning of a chaotic and traumatic journey.  So this morning as I lay in bed in that magical moment between sleep and conciousness, my mind was wandering.  I have the window that I can see outside from my bed.  The sky this morning is a brilliant blue with a bright sun to make it appear warm and spring-like.  My emotions laying in bed were in conflict as I deal with the underlying worry of my health and also embraced the beautiful day outside.  As I lay there slowly coming into my day, I also thought "I should really get up and go off to church."  I was in conflict.  I want to enjoy some relaxation without rushing around and running off to "should do's".  I also want to worship and praise my God as I am thankful for where my health is compared to a year ago.  I also want to pray and bring to God my concerns regarding a friend who is struggling with her own serious health issues.  She has been waiting for a double lung transplant for over a year.  This past week she was hospitalized and her 2 teenage daughters were very distressed.  I've been praying for my friend but also for her family as they try to be brave and strong but at the same time struggle with their own fears.  I've wanted to share my mantra "One breath at a time, one moment at a time, one step at a time." with my friend and her family.  I'm just afraid that it is a little insensitive as she struggles to breathe.  How can I suggest "one breath at a time" when it is difficult for her to take one breath?!

I've labelled this post "Circuitous Emotions" because my emotions and thoughts are going in circles this morning.  As I write this, I'm up and listening to Jigs N' Reels on OZFM.com which is a radio show from Newfoundland, Canada.  It is a great way to lift my spirits and inject some joy into the soul.  So there's my circuitous emotions.  I'm going in circles between worry, fear and "down" emotions to joyful and happy emotions.  I do experience a joy for living and experiencing life to the absolute fullest.  As I listen to the jigs and reels, my feet are tapping and I even suggested trying to dance in the living room with my husband.  Of course, the dancing isn't happening but my toes are tapping and legs are swinging in time to the music.  Today it is very cold outside but it is dry, sunny and a gorgeous blue sky.  I've made the choice to not go to church today.  It is difficult to attend church when I can't sing without pain because I'm so used to singing in the choir.  This morning I calculated that I have been involved with choirs and church music up to November 2011 which adds up to 32 years.  No wonder I find it difficult to attend church and to sit in the congregation!!

I've spent my morning reading and contemplating how God works in our lives and in the world.  I must say that I've always been attuned to nature and it always brings peace and calm to my soul and thoughts. This is important for this coming week as I will be having a CT scan done to make sure that the lymphoma is still in remission.  Enjoying a walk in nature or sitting on my patio in the cold and watching the birds, squirrels, rabbits and ducks that visit my backyard all allows me to "be still" and feel the presence of God.  This is also when I bring my fears, worries and prayers to Him to carry for me so that I can continue to enjoy other moments in life with joy.  I believe that God is loving and caring and wants to carry our burdens.  He wants to be there to carry us when we can't walk on our own.  I can say from experience that life is so much easier to navigate when I surrender and rely on God to carry me.  But.....the challenge for me is to bend my will and to stop trying to "do" life on my own especially when life is going well.

Another 3 Month Check-Up

Well, yesterday was another one of my 3 month check ups.  I was very eager to have this appointment.  I've been having some of the same symptoms as I had in November of 2011 when I was diagnosed with the lymphoma.  As I blogged the other day, I've been feeling anxious about them.  So I was anxious and looking forward to seeing my oncologist to discuss the symptoms with him. I was so anxious for the appointment that I woke up at 5 a.m. with the various fears running through my mind.  My morning was spent visiting on the phone with a really good friend.  This helped keep me grounded and laughing.  The visit also helped the morning pass quickly and kept me distracted from my fears.

I always take lots of reading material to help the time pass as I wait for my appointment at the Cancer Clinic.  Yesterday, my son dropped me off early so he could have our only vehicle.  I decided to enjoy a small lunch which I purchased at the little cafe near the entrance.  I was going to write down some of my concerns and questions on a piece of paper while I ate so that I wouldn't forget to mention anything of importance to the doctor.  As I sat down at a table with my bowl of soup and bottle of water, I met a nurse who worked in the chemotherapy lab.  Was it ever nice to see her!  I remember at my last treatment, the nurses had encouraged me to come back just to visit them.  I've not been able to bring myself to go into the chemo lab.  As I mentioned this to the nurse that I met yesterday, she commented that this is a very common phenomena.  Once she left, another friend of mine from my church choir came by and sat with me while she had her own lunch.  Other people from the Canadian Cancer Society also came by to say hello to me.  I truly felt like God was bringing people over to me to help keep me calm and distracted.  Before I knew it, it was almost time to head up to the registration area to check in for my appointment.

After checking in for the appointment, I always have blood taken so they can check my blood levels (white cells, red cells and platelets) as well as any other changes that are signals and warning signs that the cancer may be returning.  The blood work is always taken at least 45 minutes before the actual doctor's appointment.  Yesterday, I brought some reading that I've been wanting to read and haven't had time.  My mom's older cousin has been writing his memoirs and I have a copy of the early years of his lifetime.  I was thoroughly enjoying having the time to read in the waiting room of the Cancer Clinic.  As I read the memoirs, I could envision my great-uncle (this cousin's father), my grandfather and the old farm houses, barns and rugged terrain where all the family eked out successful livings on the various farms.  I thoroughly enjoyed the descriptions of the inside of the farmhouse as it reminded me of my grandparent's farm house.  I loved that home!!  Before I knew it, my name was being called to come in for the appointment.  The memoirs and my own comforting memories helped keep me calm and I felt a warm glow within me.

Finally I met up with the doctor.  As always, he asked how I've been.  I described my symptoms that I've been dealing with and let him know that I had also caught the cold/flu virus that is circulating through the city at the moment.  He asked some other questions about other symptoms.  After answering him, he indicated he wanted to do a more thorough check up.  I had not had a check up like this since January 4, 2012 when I first met him at my first appointment before starting chemotherapy.  As he left the room so I could put on a gown, my heart started pounding and my stomach flipped over with fear.  The "what ifs" started in on me with a vengeance.  What if my cold and symptoms were really the lymphoma.  What if the doctor tells me "Yes, the lymphoma has relapsed and you need more treatment."  What would I tell my husband?  Then I stopped my thoughts and sternly told myself  "We will deal with whatever happens!  If I have to go through more chemotherapy, then we do that.  We will just meet whatever happens head on and deal with it."  Then I got into the gown and waited.  As I waited for the doctor to come back into the examination room, my heart continued to pound hard.  It seemed to shake my whole chest.

The doctor returned and checked me over.  At the end of the exam, he said "Well, I couldn't feel any lumps."  What a relief!!!  He's going to send me for a CT scan just to make sure that everything is still clear.  He believes it is.  I have to take hold of his experienced and educated opinion and hold on for dear life.  I really like my doctor.  He acknowledged that in the next few weeks I will have a bubble of fear hanging over me.  I most likely will have the CT scan in about 3 weeks time.  Then I will see my doctor again to go over the results.  He stressed again that he expects everything to be fine.  Regardless, I'm back to waiting.  Waiting for the CT scan appointment.  Waiting and trying to keep calm.

Just before I had started chemotherapy in 2012, a good friend had given me a box of note paper that says "Keep Calm and Carry On".  It was a constant reminder for me when I would start to get overwhelmed and scared during treatment.  Last night and again today, the note paper is on my coffee table and it was a comfort.  I will keep calm.  I will carry on.  Everything will be fine.

I'm going to enjoy a week with my daughter.  I'm going to make plans for my summer.  I'm going to make plans for my students and organize a year-end recital for them.  I'm going to continue to organize my Relay For Life team "Cathy Conquers Cancer".  I'm going to start to make a concerted effort to fundraise for the Relay For Life.  I'm going to walk in the Survivor's Lap.  I'm going to continue to try to live fully in each moment and enjoy the little things of each day.  I will continue to tell myself that the CT scan is just to confirm that everything is fine.